Mr.TransAm

IRISH PROSTITUTE An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.

- "Hey, Frank .." - "Yeah?" - "You've always been the smart one ... what is a mixed feeling?" - "Umm ... you have a BMW, right?" - "Yeah, 7-series. Fully loaded." - "What did you pay for it?" - "Over 60 grand." - "It's paid off, right?" - "Right." - "Leather?" - "Yeah." - "Sunroof?" - "Electric." - "Radio?" - "XM Premium Plus. With navigation system." - "You wash it every Sunday, right?" - "Right." - "You hand wax it once a month?" - "Twice." - "Ah" - "So where does the mixed feeling come in?" - "Um ... when your mother-in-law drives it off a cliff ..."

Top 10 Rejected Valentine Cards: 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister, you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

YOU MIGHT BE A RICE BOY IF ... ... you find yourself using the excuse 'yo, but you gots twice as many cylindas, dude after EVERY race ... you drive a 4 door 'type R' ... your gumby pants make it hard to shift ... more than 20 of your mods involve shielding what is actually underneath ... you have stickers that even most asians don't get ... you have stickers for parts you dont have ... you refer to 50hp as the 'big shot' ... your car has so much camber it can drive on its side ... when you drive by, WWII veterans run for shelter ... your exhaust tip diameter is 4 times the inner muffler diameter ... you have 'power by' anything anywhere on a car made by the engine manufacturer ... birds make nests on your spoiler because its taller than the trees ... you sell crack for the image...not the money ... you have 'N/T' polished on the side of car and you don't know what bracket racing is... ... you will only race if the other guy removes four sparkplugs ... you can't race uphills ... you have "All Motor" emblazoned on your rear hatch right next to your 17.50 dial in ... you brag to have nitrous and have a 15.50 dial in ... your exhaust system for your 1.8L is bigger than most Pro-stock cars ... you spent more money on stickers and stripes than your parents paid for your car ... you go to a performance shop and immediately start rummaging through the decal bin ... your tach is bigger than your head ... you have a shiftlight and your car is an automatic ... you refuse to race because it's a "show car" ... your only mods are cut factory springs and a 5" chrome exhaust tip ... at Autocross events you don't participate because you have a drag race setup and at drag events you brag about kicking ass on the autocross. ... you have more lights on the front of your car than the USS Voyager ... you brag about a turbo kit that never seems to get installed. ... your exhaust sounds like a dying Moose ... your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: -Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper, according to lights and darks -Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown, if you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas -Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc -Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone -Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins -Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean -Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced -Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red -Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash -Rinse conditioner off hair -Shave armpits and legs -Turn off shower -Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower -Spray mold spots with Tilex -Get out of shower -Dry with towel the size of a small country -Wrap hair in super absorbent towel -Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head, if you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN: -Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile -Walk naked to the bathroom, if you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound -Look at your manly physique in the mirror -Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass -Get in the shower -Wash your face -Wash your armpits -Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off -Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower -Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area -Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap -Wash your hair -Make a shampoo Mohawk -Pee -Rinse off and get out of shower -Partially dry off -Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time -Admire wiener size in mirror again -Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on -Return to bedroom with towel around waist, if you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again -Throw wet towel on bed

Bræhæhæææhææhæææææ!!! Den var rå!!

;) Kanskje litt?;) heheeh.... Neida, ting har blitt litt lysere om dagen og det går selvfølgelig utover Humoren! :D:D:D 3

Ja faen. Var dritings da ass! :D:D:D

Og hjelp det er lenge siden jeg så de filmene... Kan søke litt utover dagen og se hva jeg snubler over

Den bilen din er porno på hjul Ken! Kommer nok en tur ned til våren og hilser på skal du se! :D

:D måtte bare

Ja, Blue collar er kanskje noe av det beste som har blitt laget av stand-up noen gang.

http://videos.streetfire.net/search/trans+am/1/1d73c6d5-6f60-4c70-bf31-826b0a00d20f.htm Verdens råeste bil noen gang. uten tvil!

Denne må dere se: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7302358366074051156&q=blue+collar Flate de gutta er morsomme! :D:D:D:D

Heite! har du bilde eller? Står en Rød 65 mod utenfor kontoret mitt hver dag... deilig syn om morran! :D

You Might be a cop if: You have the bladder capacity of five people. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience. You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm. Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change. You call for a records check on anyone that is friendly toward you. You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal. You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person. You correlate "two beers" with 0.15 BAC. You find humor in other people's stupidity. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see. You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance. You believe that a "shallow gene pool" should be grounds for an arrest. You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet around here". You refer to your nightstick as your "Dork Slayer". You believe that chocolate is a food group. You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a prick. You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting it right the first time". You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict. You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably. You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar. You believe the dispatcher is possessed. You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form. You're not referring to food when you mention vegetables. You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium saltlick. You have heard: "I have no idea how that got there," on more than a few occasions. You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling the Twilight Zone. You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car. You believe that it is a "good" death only if it involves overtime . You have to check to make sure your weapon is "ready to rock n' roll" before using a public restroom. You read your wife the Miranda warning whenever she says "we need to talk". You can tell the severity of an accident just by hearing the sirens. You have co-workers that pay more in child support and alimony every month than you make in a year.

Godt mulig. Har kjørt 911 faktisk og jeg ble ikke så veldig overbevist. Mener at den bilen samt skyline er meget overvurderte biler... Får mye mer kick av en bigblock corvette enn slike biler...

Nå svarte ikke jeg til deg da! :D hehe.....

Kjenner igjen den! Når jeg står å skrur på T/A'n når min fetter er på besøk (8-9 år gammel) er det stas å se på! Var litt mere gøy når han var yngre da, siden han har blitt bitt av petter solberg syndromet... :puke:

Da er jeg langt utenfor det huset nå hun begynner å gå! Skal jo ikke bo hjemme så mye lengre heller! Forresten utrolig trist det siste du sa der.:(

Hehehee... Har endelig fått søster jeg! Har ønsket meg det hele livet og hadde gitt opp håpet for lenge siden! Men så smalt det da! Skulle egentlig bli tvillinger, men det kom ikke så langt. Så det endte med hun lille fjompen her! :) Er stolt bror nå hvertfall! :D

Hehe... Blir liv da! Er eldstemann gutt eller jente?

Er det du som kjører den gule M3en? Som kjørte meg hjem i fylla for noen helger siden?

Absolutt! De har laget en del sanger som ikke er så kjente. Last ned "on and on and on" og "gloria". De er dritfete!